Tuesday, May 6, 2014

BJR: Feb 24, 2014

Saw this chick on OKCupid.

I opened with "Hi friend!"

Her: you’re intense.

Feb 23, 2014 – 8:28pm
Me: I get that alot. I'm digging the glasses. Seems like something I would wear

Feb 23, 2014 – 8:29pm
Her: haha i bet you do. glad you dig the specs - whats up.

Feb 23, 2014 – 8:45pm
Me: I'm debating what type of awesomeness I'm going to get into tonight. Either way it should involve awesomeness

Feb 23, 2014 – 8:47pm
Her: that actually sounds kind of awesome.

Feb 23, 2014 – 8:48pm
Me: It definitely is. if I was to change my name I would change my middle name to awesomeness

Feb 23, 2014 – 8:49pm
Her: Brock Awesomeness Morgan?

Feb 23, 2014 – 8:53pm
Me: It has a very catchy ring to it. Kinda like skittles. Speaking of which if I became famous I could go by one name like beyonce, madonna, etc only I'd be awesomeness

Feb 23, 2014 – 8:55pm
Her: hmmm i dunno, brock awesomeness morgan kind of sounds more like a cool super dude name.. i don’t know if you’d be a spy or what.. but something awesome.

Feb 23, 2014 – 8:57pm
Me: It's a name that is up there with Justin Timberlake and Scooby Doo. I don't think I could do that to them though they would both get jealous of me and send lawsuits my way. I'm trying to make it big not burn bridges by ruffing feathers

Feb 23, 2014 – 8:59pm
Her: no one wants to ruffle the feathers of JT.

Feb 23, 2014 – 9:01pm
Me: Fuck no. Have you seen him as the omelet in the SNL skit omeleteville..... Yeah.... He's a beast. Don't need that shit coming knocking on my door

Feb 23, 2014 – 9:03pm
Me: What are you up to tonight?

Feb 23, 2014 – 9:08pm
Her: omeletteville? fuck that shit watch homelessville yo. 

and I’m not particularly up to anything i just have to wake up early. sigh.

Feb 23, 2014 – 9:21pm
Me: I think I pulled a muscle watching that. That's funny but I prefer eggs over soup.

Feb 23, 2014 – 9:22pm
Her: i love both eggs and soup... but not together. i don’t like egg drop soup.

Feb 23, 2014 – 9:27pm
Me: I agree together it turns into this nastiness that not even santa can battle.

My favorite soup though is booze and I'm a bit hungry. Might go down to HOME bar. Would you like to join me for a bit?

Feb 23, 2014 – 9:48pm
Her: where is that?

Feb 23, 2014 – 9:55pm
Her: oh i know where that is actually, in arlington heights.. its like 15 minutes from me. but i didn’t reply fast enough.. so i hope you have a really awesome midnight snack and all that jazz.

Feb 24, 2014 – 3:35pm
Her: I didn't end up going there. Someone stopped by unexpectantly

Feb 24, 2014 – 4:27pm
Me: Ahh well that's fun I guess lol

Feb 24, 2014 – 4:30pm
Me: What's fun is songs on repeat. Last time I busted that out....hold on.....yea.... now playing. Dark horse by katy perry

Feb 24, 2014 – 4:35pm
Her: Well now I have that one stuck in my head gee thanks lol

Feb 24, 2014 – 4:41pm
Me: I'll make it up to you later by singing you the lamb chop song

Feb 24, 2014 – 4:46pm
Her: Hmm I dunno. I was once serenaded with the gummi bears theme.

Feb 24, 2014 – 4:46pm
Her: So that needs to be topped

Feb 24, 2014 – 4:48pm
Me: I hope you recorded it so I can watch it

Feb 24, 2014 – 4:55pm
Her: Haha sadly no! The only access point is my noggin.

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:08pm
Me: With the technology of today we can download it into a computer and watch it. I'll bring popcorn!

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:22pm
Her: cool! get me a chicago mix from garretts pleeeease 

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:26pm
Me: My name is Jared and I have none of these mixes you speak about. You may want to check with your local grocery store or gas station.

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:27pm
Her: wait, it’s not brock? so brock awesomeness morgan really isn’t your name now... what about Jared Awesomeness Morgan? or is morgan not real either. my poor brain!

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:30pm
Me: Its cool. I'm a puzzle wrapped in an enigma inside of a box. and you thought a rubix cube is hard....

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:32pm
Me: are you hungry at all?

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:33pm
Her: ooooo... well, i did play “the room” and beat it so you never know what i can solve. 

and I’m actually eating dinner as we speak lol I’m sorry. i made soup (no eggs)

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:36pm
Me: Bogus to that preview. It showed me nothing but a box getting a key put into it and opened

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:40pm
Her: the games quite a brain teaser, you have to spin the box and hunt for clues to open it fully

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:41pm
Me: sounds fun. you can be my cheerleader and give me clues. we can make it a drinking game even though you have an advantage

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:42pm
Her: haha well i haven’t played it in a while but i could try my best 

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:43pm
Me: I have some time to kill. Lets do this then

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:45pm
Her: haha do what? just meet up and have me cheer you on as you play?

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:46pm
Me: sure! it'll be fun!!! I'll meet you at home like i would have yesterday but got busy and we can get drinks and chat.

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:47pm
Her: hmm is it cool if i finish my soup first? lol

Feb 24, 2014 – 5:51pm
Me: Sure take your time

Got her number after this and started chatting. Around 8pm I met up with her at a bar. Had some drinks, chatted, played some pool and told her I wanted to leave. Walked her to her car and when she unlocked it I opened the back door. I hopped in and pulled her in with me. From here it was simple escalation. Making out to getting a blowjob to getting her shirt off. She seemed down for sex, but I didn't have time to go back to her place as I had a girlfriend to get home to. Blew my load in her mouth and had her drop me off. 

Feel free to grab my internet dating book, The OKCupid Code 

Feel free to grab my texting book, Cut and Paste Texting

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